Judging me from my past will leave you there!

Judging me from my past will leave you there!

I am not going to do a fancy intro. I will just get right into it.

First of all I absolutely hate when people try to tell me about myself. One thing I am is very receptive. I will listen to what anyone has to say however, when you try to tell me things about myself that I know I’ve grown from sets me on fire. For one, the people who tend to try to diagnose and read me are those who I owe no explanation to. Secondly, if you truly know me you will see and accept the transformation. Bringing up old stuff and recollecting negative thoughts and memories of me will only turn me off. I do not need to be reminded of who I was, what I once tolerated, what I once accepted because I’m reminded everyday by being in the place that I am now knowing I could have been way further if only....


Someone told me that good girls, like myself are only into bad guys. Anytime a good man tries to pursue a good woman, the woman always “prefer” the bad guy.

Well let’s define “good” well when they mean good man they presumably mean a guy who is mannerable, respects women, not into the streets, has a job, and his head on straight pretty much. A good woman possesses those same qualities. She is mannerable, ambitious, knows how to cater to a man, not into drama, focused in school or on her job, working towards her dreams etc.

It is assumed that those type of girls are attracted to "bad boys." Bad boys being those who disrespect their women, cheat on their women, has multiple baby mamas, into the streets, sells drugs, mentally, verbally and physically abuse their women.

Let me be the first to tell you that no woman ever just says hey I want a man who disrespects me, lies to me, cheats on me, and hits me. No woman does that. And if you believe that then you’re an idiot. (Sorry not sorry)

“Bad Boys” usually do not introduce themselves as a liar, cheater, and woman beater. They are charming, sweet talkers, providers, cunning and manipulative. Months or years can go by sometimes before a man shows their true colors. Now once they do, women SHOULD have that instinct to just leave. But a lot of the time women make excuses for the man's behavior. “Oh he's just young, he needs to get the cheating out of his system, he didn’t mean to hit me, he’s looking for a job, he loves me more than he loves her, he has good intentions, he’s going through a lot etc etc etc”

You can call that naïve, gullible, and hopeful because it is all of the above. Women are naturally nurturers. We want to see the best in everyone especially those we love dearly. SO yes, some of us have stuck around with guys knowing we shouldn’t have because although they were a pretty messed up individual, we had high hopes that they’ll change, figured they grow out of it, or made one of the biggest mistakes women can make by thinking we with our actions, loyalty, faithfulness, or ride or die mentality can change a man.

My personal experience proves that you cannot change anyone who does not want to be changed. Only God can do that. The point of the matter is good girls are not always attracted to bad guys. Some may have grew up together and may be all she knows, some see past his mistakes and sees potential of the greatness he could possess, and some may wish to change him but as stated before we can’t and you’ll have to learn to eventually walk away and love yourself more than your desire to see change in him. As you get older people become stuck in their ways and unfortunately no matter how good you cook, no matter how good you look, no matter how good your sex may be, no matter how loyal you are to him you cannot change him and that is just reality.

By the way there are alot of "good guys" who go to work everyday, do not verbally disrespect their women, provides well for the family but CHEAT on their WIVES. No one on this earth is perfect so it's best to not judge a book by its cover.

I’m not gonna lie, I have ran into some females who've said they prefer "bad guys" and says that good guys are too corny or just not hood enough but that has never been me. Some “good guys” may feel they have been overlooked by some girls but I do not personally think it is always because they desire someone more street or hood. Maybe you’re just not attractive, maybe you came to her wrong, and maybe you don’t have everything together like you think you do.

There is someone out there for everybody. I am just tired of everyone generalizing everyone. Putting people into boxes when we are all unique. All good guys do not finish last. All dark skinned women are not ugly. All light skinned women are not stuck up. All good girls do not prefer bad guys. I am one person who is very anal and factual so when anyone says “all” followed by an affirmative “fact” is automatically wrong. If you are going to generalize, generalize by your own personal experience. “All women I’ve come across or all guys I have seen has…” whatever.

Anyway. Do not put anyone in a box. Do not judge others off of past experiences. Instead, get to know them now. Ask them how’s life. Ask them how their experiences have shaped them. Because if not, judging or assuming someone is the same from what you knew of them in the past, is an easy way to leave you there.


Forever a Lādē

Tamara L. Wallace

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